What We've Told Our Pre-Teen About God's Plan For Sex

No worries: this post is rated PG. :)

The messages are everywhere. Some more subtle, some less so. But all too familiar:

• If you've got it, flaunt it!
  
• Sex is fun and everyone's doing it - just do it safely.
  
• To be beautiful is to be sexy; they are the same.

As with many parents, we've sought to help our daughter understand a different - a more Biblical - view of sex.

The Biblical worldview tells us that God made everything for a purpose, but that everything was broken to some extent by our sin (what theologians call "the Fall"). This includes human sexuality: it was designed by God to work a certain way, and we want our kids to know and respect its intended purpose. So how do you explain that to them? Two things have been helpful to us.

First, prompted by a terrific study Amy is doing with Elizabeth, is Proverbs 5:19 which urges husbands to "be intoxicated always in [your wife's] love." Intoxicated is a strong word! God has designed a woman's body to allure - even intoxicate - a man. But only one man: her husband. We've talked with our daughter about the attraction power she will have as she grows, and who God intends her to reserve that attraction for. And she's also learning to recognize the way many women use their God-given attractiveness to draw attention to themselves from any man who will look.

Which led us to the second item: a great illustration (from a terrific little book called Ask Me Anything) of what happens when we don't use our sexuality the way God intended. Author J. Budziszewski says our sexuality in some ways can be compared to a piece of duct tape. The first time it is pressed to something it sticks strongly. But what happens if you peel it off and then stick it to another surface? Perhaps it adheres again, but not as strongly this time. If it is peeled off and pressed to a new surface time and again it will eventually lose its ability to stick at all.

In the same way God intends human sexuality to cement the relationship between a husband and a wife. It's designed to add a unique level of intimacy to the marriage relationship. But if we go beyond God's intended boundary for sex by sharing our sexuality with others, either through inappropriate public displaying of our bodies or by trying to "stick" ourselves relationally to multiple partners via sexual activity, sex itself gradually loses some of its power to cement a marriage relationship the way God intended.

In all this we hope our daughter comes to understand the powerful and valuable gift God has given her as a woman - and how to use that gift for her own good and for God's glory.