A remarkable turn of events!

Two important updates to my coffee conundrum, and a whole new question.

UPDATE #1 - Voter Fraud Strikes This Blog!!

ACORN, it appears, is still alive and well: registering everyone from Mickey Mouse to the Globe Trotters. And now they've struck my blog's recent coffee poll! Thankfully, no expense is spared here and we've had a crack team of international monitors checking things out every step of the way (pictured right), so there's no way the fraudulent votes would slip past us!

On Monday with 24 hours to go, the polling was a landslide for me: 17 people had voted "Heck yeah!" 3 had voted the more subdued but still Matt-affirming "yes," and only 2 people had voted "no." And one of those two was Esther herself! (the other guilty party, though known, shall remain unnamed) So, at 20 for and only 2 against, the people were clearly speaking for truth and justice. That was at 4:30 p.m.

Then, at 6:00 p.m., a mere 1.5 hours later, the "no" vote tally mysteriously leaped from 2 to 19! A quick check of the site visit statistics showed that only three separate visitors had hit my blog during the time the phantom "votes" appeared. Then, the next morning 3 more site visits mysteriously resulted in 20 more fraudulent votes. Yeah, right... what do you people take me for!?! Looks like someone figured out how to delete their Internet cookies and artificially stuff my ballot box. But WE ARE NOT FOOLED! This is America, and the authentic votes of the people are what count. The people have spoken and Esther was clearly urged by one and all to share a glorious pot of Jamaica Blue Mountain coffee with me. Oh, and the FBI's Voter Fraud Unit is on its way over to Nike headquarters in Beaverton as we speak...

But wait, it gets even better!

UPDATE #2 - The Tables Turn!!

Proving that cheaters never win, and that God is on my side in this, two amazing occurrences have completely shifted the balance of power in this contest. First, a sensible, gracious, and intelligent reader had so much compassion on me that he bought me a half pound of Jamaica Blue Mountain! That's right - I have my first ever bag of this bliss right in my own cupboard! Pat Magee, you're my new hero, and your character is clearly constituted of different stuff than... some people's.

Second, Esther called her mother to make sure a pound of JBM was coming this holiday season for her... and it isn't! Turns out mommy didn't travel to Jamaica this year and thus didn't bring any home, so no JBM for Esther this Christmas! When she told me the news she was sad, but when she realized I had my own JBM she was positively shocked. Justice is so sweet! She couldn't believe that the tables had been turned so completely on her that she followed me and my bag of coffee around the church all morning, begging for a few beans so she could make a pot for herself.

I'm not making this up - this couldn't get any better. Now I am the one with the power! I am the one with the status! I am the one with the beans! Which leads me to my new dilemma...

A NEW QUESTION - Should I give Esther any Jamaica Blue Mountain Coffee?

You've now heard the story. You've witnessed the harsh treatment I received at the hands of Esther. Now that the tables are turned you've seen her follow me around and beg me to share with her even though she wouldn't share with me! So how should I respond?

  • Option 1 - No way Jose! Someone needs to learn a lesson in humility and sharing! Especially someone who's job is molding the hearts and minds of the next generation.
  • Option 2 - "Pray about it..."

  • Option 3 - Take the high road and extend grace even though it's not deserved.

Now, I would set up a new poll but I'm afraid ACORN may show up again at any time. So this time, please let me know which option you think I should choose by leaving a comment!


Anonymous said...

Wow, Impressive. Someone knows how to use Google Analytics. :-)

Ken said...

First, I seriously laughed out loud when I read this post. So much so, that my co-workers were wondering what was up.

Shame on whomever was rigging the vote.

I'm glad someone was kind enough to get you a 1/2 pound. It is truly yummy. I would think you would be the bigger man. You, after all, a man of the cloth called by God to help proclaim the Good News. Since you only have a 1/2 pound I would offer to split a pot of offer her a cup. That seems fair to me.

And besides, we know that you'll do it. Anything to keep a coworker happy.

Matt Guerino said...

Anonymous: never used Google Analytics. I have my ways though - whenever something needs doing, I Just Do It! ;)

Ken: Should I be the bigger man? No question. Will I? Porbably. But it's fun to watch Esther squirm in the meantime!

Randolph Koch said...

How dare you accuse the Nike Campus of Voters Fraud! I demand a recount because if it was the Nike campus, there would be over 6,000 votes entered! :-) An besides I'm sure if there was any "voter loading" I'm sure whomever the party was, would only do something like that for fun to add to the hilarity of the entire exchange regarding the coveted coffee. :-)

And for the voting:
Your a spiritual leaders so of course:

Option 3 - Take the high road and extend grace even though it's not deserved.

You can give her a cup, if you want to. :-)

Thanks for the laughs!

Matt Guerino said...


I love it!

I'm sad to report that all the FBI Voter Fraud people are currently tied up in the Minnesota Senate recount so you... er, I mean the anonymous GUILTY PARTY, is probably safe under the Swoosh on Murray Blvd.!


Ken said...

I can respect having a little fun at Esther's expense.

So, have your brewed at pot of Jamaica Blue Mountain yet?

Matt Guerino said...

Not yet - I think I may save it for Thanksgiving. And if Esther drives over Thanksgiving morning I might just give her some beans to go home and brew

Tim KC6QLV said...

Wow!, 1. God does answer prayers in time. 2. There is a Santa Clause. I was praying Matt!
Happy ThanksGiving!
Tim :)

Anonymous said...

I love watching the drama unfold around this coffee soap opera. I think Esther is getting what she deserves, but I also know Matt and Esther is lucky. Let her squirm and then show her how love and kindness are to be shared.


Anonymous said...

This is tough. On one hand, Matt should show his true character and simply drink a cup in front of Esther. On the other hand, he should do what Jesus said and turn the other bean. Hmmm. Tough decision. I'm sure Matt will choose the first hand because after all, even though some say he's a man of the cloth, I've never seen him with a cloth. I saw him with a rag once, but he was just giving it to Steve to clean up some coffee he spilled.

Anonymous said...

Well...I know that matt has prayed and he will share with his Jamaican friend(ya mon..no problem)...my mom is writing our friends in Jamaica and seeing if we can get a shippment...we do have contacts...for now I will pray and dream of the smooth flavor of the Blue Mountains...Ken is right it is a great cup of Joe..I like your thoughts Ken...and glad to hear we went to my country. Jamacian Girl (praying)

Matt Guerino said...

Well, anonymous Jamaicain Girl (aka Esther) SOMEONE sounds awfully confident in my generosity!


Anonymous said...

Esther B, I wouldn't hold my breath if I were you, sister. :-)

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